If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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