i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
