so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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