thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize