i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
