If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
