He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
