I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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