i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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