i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
