Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Let's paint friendship bongs
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
