zippers are such a cool invention
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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