Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
