I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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