I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
