this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
