i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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