i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
