and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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