you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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