I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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