i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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