Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
