Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
