Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
