Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
