Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
