did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
