Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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