ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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