if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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