I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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