She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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