The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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