listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
