i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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