sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
