Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
