the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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