Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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