dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
