god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
