im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
