what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
