not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
