have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
