I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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