Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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