There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
