what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
