I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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