Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
