I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
