She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
