i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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