The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize