I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
