This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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