one might say we're banned from that church
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
