I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
50% drunk capacity currently
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
