i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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