New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
