I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
