Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
