Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Randomize
