I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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