I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They took my balls.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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