would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
