were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
my poor anus
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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