there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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