My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
