I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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