How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
